We have all heard the quote “No one is going to love you if you don’t love yourself.” Or quotes similar to this. I mean it seems true, right? How is someone going to want to love you if you don’t love who you are? Why would I like you if you don’t even like you? I’ve heard this many times in my life, but I never realized how important it was until I had my own personal experience with it. Before, I would have never described myself as an insecure person. I have always been comfortable in my skin, and thought I knew my worth. I would have never thought this would be an issue in my life, until I met a man who broke me.
I had a relationship that really turned my life upside down. I never realized how toxic it was until I was out of the relationship. Guys, love really is blind! I was in an extremely mentally abusive relationship that completely broke me down. I started to question every single thing about myself. This man made me feel like everything that made me who I was, was wrong. Basically made me feel like no one likes the things that I like, and people hate who I am because of it. I really started to question myself. I stopped doing things I liked, and stopped being myself because he manipulated me into thinking it was wrong. I cringe even writing this thinking about how sad that is that I let a man do this to me. I think we can all relate to this in some way. If you can’t, you’re lucky! The truth is that mental abuse is so real, and it happens more often than we think. Most of the time you don’t even realize it’s happening.
The blessing behind the relationship is that it stripped me all the way down. I feel like I got to the core of myself. Like I hit rock bottom, where I could then rebuild myself in the most positive way possible. When someone breaks you all the way down, you get to build yourself all the way back up! The key here: you do it yourself! You realize things about yourself you probably would have never realized before. Face to face with insecurities you most likely never even knew were there. This is exactly what happened to me. After my relationship I hated so many things about myself. Things I loved before! The things that really make me who I am. He really altered the way my brain worked. It was insane!
During my process of learning to truly love myself I even realized some bad habits I had in relationships that were contributing to them failing. For example: trust issues that I developed from previous relationships. Now that I realized they were there all along, I could finally fix them. You can’t bring issues from your past relationships into new ones. I promise it’s a recipe for disaster! This is another reason why we must face those insecurities first, enabling us to have healthy relationships in the future. When you get broken down like that you’re faced with the raw, unedited version of yourself! You get to learn to love who you really are, and I promise you will. She’s pretty cool!
Building myself back up I realized what truly makes me who I am, and what I am passionate about in life. Things that I should never have felt insecure about loving! Everyone has different passions in their life, and the person who is meant for you will always support who you truly are. I will never again let someone tell me what I should, and should not be like. When you are the most authentic version of yourself, you will attract the person who matches to that person best. The person you really are! Don’t pretend to be something or someone you’re not because you will then attract someone who isn’t really right for you. It’s all about being yourself confidently, and having love for who you are. I promise when you love you, others will too!
This relationship was such a blessing in disguise. This was honestly the hardest time in my life, but after I worked through everything I feel like I am now in the best place I have ever been. I feel like I know myself better than I ever have before. I have become so much more confident in who I am, and will never again let someone make me feel bad for who that is. I learned that “true love makes you more of who you are, not less.” Someone can now truly love me, because I am my authentic self, and I love who that is! You have to realize these things about yourself, and be completely confident in who you are. Not only loving who you are, but fully understanding who you are. Getting to the core of myself, and learning to love that person, was the best thing that ever happened to me. I mean, it was extremely difficult, but looking back it feels like it was all meant to happen this way. I couldn’t be happier! I now love who I am, which allows someone to love that person too!